Archive for body


I had a big happy moment this morning.  I grabbed a pair of jeans out of the clean laundry pile, and put them on.

Without a struggle. These are a pair of jeans that I’ve been able to wear, but I would have to do the too-fat-shimmy to get them over my ass, and then the suck-it-in-and-lean-back-maneuver to get them zipped and buttoned. Today? I pulled them on. I zipped and buttoned them. I don’t feel like they’re digging into my waist when I sit down. I feel comfortable in them.

This is awesome. I actually can see/feel a physical difference in my size. It’s encouraging. Granted, they’re still a size 22, but eventually they’ll be too big and I’ll go buy a pair of 18s to squeeze into (and eventually they will be too big)…

I was looking down at my upper belly fat (I hate my belly fat, by the way. It’s sharply divided into two rolls. One is above my belly button, and the other below.) last night and I think my upper roll is smaller. I can’t wait until it’s gone. I told Sean, “This bit right here is my least favorite chunk of fat on me.” I think that’s why I enjoyed wearing corsets so much when I went out to clubs and such — they did an awesome job of hiding that particular bit of my fat.  So far, in other good news, the boobs don’t seem to have shrunk. Yay!


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I had my weigh-in Wednesday at the gym. Over the month of October, I lost a total of 2 pounds. TWO. This disappointed me. I thought I was doing better.

Well, today, I got confirmation that I actually AM doing better. I am at Swedish, at that women’s health day thing that I mentioned a few weeks ago. As a part of this event, I got some free screenings.

The first one I got was the awesomest, so I am going to go backwards. Sorry!

I got my finger pricked, and they tested my glucose and cholesterol.

Glucose was 90. I had eaten a bagel a little over an hour beforehand, so that was awesome.

HDL (good cholesterol) was 56. Anything greater than 40 is good.

LDL (bad cholesterol) was 113. Anything lower than 130 is good. I’m a little close to the edge there, so I should be a LITTLE careful.

Blood pressure was 120/62.

I did the body-fat percentage thing where you hold the little doohicky that is kind of like a game controller, and got my first happy of the day: I’m at 44.7% body fat!!  When I started this, I was at 47%. That’s serious progress! This really made my day, because I haven’t been feeling like there have been actual results from the working out, but here, I actually HAVE lost a significant chunk of fat. Go, me! I’m still morbidly obese, too (BMI 40.3)! Woo!

And then, I did the bone density scan. It’s an ultrasound through your heel, which was kind of cool. The technician who did mine looked at the results and said, “wow, that’s good. (pause) that’s REALLY good.” My T score was 2.03. Apparently, a “normal” score is anything between -1 and +1. My bones are more dense than approximately 97% of healthy young women’s.

I’m DENSE. This actually explains why people look at me and don’t believe that I actually weigh what I do; I probably weigh a bunch more than other people of my dimensions, because of how dense my bones are. Yay, bones! This also means that I probably don’t have to worry about osteoporosis, which is again, a big YAY.

In other news, my triceps are still hurting… and my trainer worked with me on Wednesday. Ow.

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While reading Jezebel, I discovered that today is Love Your Body Day.  From their site:

Do you love what you see when you look in the mirror?

Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries work hard to make each of us believe that our bodies are unacceptable and need constant improvement. Print ads and television commercials reduce us to body parts — lips, legs, breasts — airbrushed and touched up to meet impossible standards. TV shows tell women and teenage girls that cosmetic surgery is good for self-esteem. Is it any wonder that 80% of U.S. women are dissatisfied with their appearance?

Women and girls spend billions of dollars every year on cosmetics, fashion, magazines and diet aids. These industries can’t use negative images to sell their products without our assistance.

Together, we can fight back.


I don’t love my body, but I’m trying damn hard to respect it. This change in eating habits, this change in exercise habits, that’s all a part of it. Eventually, I’ll get to a point where I can look in the mirror naked and say “WOW”, but that’s going to be a long way off.

The interesting thing to me, is that I don’t really want to look like those airbrushed and photoshopped fashion models. I want to continue to look like a real person, albeit a thinner and healthier one. I am not attracted to super-skinny women (girl bellies are even sexier than cleavage, sometimes), and I think that most of the supposedly “beautiful” Hollywood stars are kind of odd-looking, because of all the plastic surgery.

Boy, that sure sounds like sour grapes, doesn’t it? I honestly don’t think that it is; I think that my personal aesthetic is probably a lot more realistic than most of the country’s.

[post = short, as I really wanted to get something up after this brief hiatus. also: I have about 3 other posts I’m working on right now. Having my father visit threw off my rhythm, and I’m finally getting back into the swing of things.]

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My friend Clarica came over for a visit on Friday. She gave me a hug, asked how I was doing, and then exclaimed that my back fat was going away.

Of all the areas that could be losing fat, that’s one that you don’t really think about. It’s not like you can see your own back easily, and if you twist to look at it in a mirror, you’re going to make yourself have lumps and rolls anyhow. But sure enough. she was right. I reached back there and poked around, and where I once had rolls and rolls of back fat (sex-AY), I now have padding. It’s still a lot of padding, but it’s not rolls and rolls anymore.

I’m glad she noticed. Sean is pretty damn unobservant (partially because he looks at me and sees “beautiful” rather than “fat” [I love this guy]) and as such doesn’t really notice any changes unless they’re in-your-face obvious, like dying your hair hot pink or getting a full-body tattoo.

Apparently, when Clarica loses weight, she loses it first in her back as well. So I’m not that unusual (well, at least, not in that respect). I wish I were losing some of this ass, though. And belly. And granny flaps (the lovely dangling fat of the upper arms). Heck, I should just be grateful that it’s not my boobs that are melting away.  Right?

Feeling good. I can’t tell if my clothes are fitting more loosely or not; I’ll be able to tell after I do some laundry (nothing like a pair of jeans fresh out of the dryer to make you feel fat and bloated).

I got a flyer in the mail yesterday for a women’s health day, sponsored by Swedish Medical Centers. There’s workshops/seminars/etc, and free screenings and tests. I’m actually thinking about going, because I can get a bone density screening and a body composition screening. When my friend Ivana did a diet study with Fred Hutch, they did those and it sounded pretty interesting to get that information.  I think it would be cool to have that as a baseline, and get the tests again once I’m closer to my goal weight/size.  I already know that my bodyfat is somewhere above 40-something percent, so it’s not like I’m going to have a huge crisis when I see the numbers. Plus, they feed you lunch.

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