hiatus (2).

I typo’d that title as “Siatus”. Sigh-atus.

During the past six months, I have

  • been back off and back on the sugar-wagon many times. Currently off, but it’s only been about 5 days.
  • started taking higher and higher doses of sertraline (Zoloft) because it stopped being effective. Several times.
  • decided to stop taking sertraline because it was getting fucking ridiculous.
  • started taking Cymbalta. Loved it.
  • stopped having obsessive thoughts about when my next sugar fix was going to be.
  • started having obsessive thoughts about when my next sugar fix was going to be.
  • started taking a higher dose of Cymbalta. Loved it.
  • stopped having obsessive thoughts about when my next sugar fix was going to be.
  • started having obsessive thoughts about when my next sugar fix was going to be.
  • started taking a higher dose of Cymbalta. Loved it. (see where this is going?)
  • realized that I was on an anti-depressant and I was still very fucking depressed.
  • stopped taking the Cymbalta.
  • put my doctor in a half-nelson until she gave me a scrip for Wellbutrin.

We’ll see how well this works. I am fairly confident that it will do great for the depression, but I’m not sure how well it’ll do for the food. Luckily, I got a nice reboot in the last week: Critter brought home a sweet little 24-hour flu, so I’ve barely eaten anything in the past 5 days, let alone sugar.

Oh, and I’ve started jogging. I’m not actually sure that you can call it “jogging”, however, because I’m not actually sure that both of my feet are completely off the ground at once at any point during my stride. So it’s kind of a jog-walk. But you know what? It gets my heart rate up higher than walking does and it looks like jogging (although nobody actually sees me because I wait until it’s dark outside) and I feel good about it, so who cares?

I’ve gotten up to jogging 3/4 of a mile, which was my 2-block-by-2-block route, and now I need to do a longer route. I’m probably not going to do that until I feel a bit better, though. I’m still dealing with vertigo from Cymbalta withdrawal and fatigue from being sick (and from Cymbalta withdrawal. And from insomnia from Wellbutrin acclimation. Oh yeah, and from getting up 15 million times in the night every night the past week from some combination of me/Sean/Critter being sick, Critter teething, or whatever. Oy).

Back on track soon. I can see the track from here, at least.


4 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Ivana said,

    I’m really sorry about the craziness with the meds. You’re trying so hard, but this trip to wellness seems pretty frustrating and disappointing. It really does feel like the dark ages when it comes to mental health. *sigh*

    I’m glad you are liking jogging. I find it to be a nice little break in my day, the best part being that when I’m running I can’t think very much (that heart pounding thing, I guess), so it quiets my mind. Hopefully, you will soon be in a space where you can get back out there and add a block or two. Don’t worry about adding distances, figure you can always walk the rest if you can’t run it.

    Still doing the Pilates?

    • 2

      chanterella said,

      I count while I’m running. I count every time my right foot hits. I listen to the wind and the dogs barking and cars going by and television noises and conversations from the houses as I go past. I don’t understand people who run with headphones on.

      And I’m totally not worried about adding distances. I mean, I need to make my total distance longer, and it’s totally OK if part of it is walked. I’ve just maxed out the possibilities of my current route for the time being, so I need to expand, you know?

      Yes, still doing Pilates for the time being. Still love Mona. 🙂 Unfortunately, her classes are on Tuesday and Thursday mornings… and, starting 9/21, so are my painting classes. So… no more Pilates for a while.

      • 3

        Hollie said,

        Pilates at the Y is at 7pm. Wanna join and go with me? 🙂

        Also, what you do while jogging is very meditative. That’s how we’re trained to meditate in Zen – counting the breath.

      • 4

        chanterella said,

        Yeah, it’s very calming and focusing, the counting is. I do this when I’m just walking around sometimes, too. I think it’s a little touch of OCD.

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