chocolate.

I love chocolate. I seriously, massively, LOVE chocolate. I want to marry chocolate and have little chocolate babies. I want to elope in the middle of the night with chocolate and move to Chocolatistan and spend my days and nights lounging with chocolate by the side of a chocolate pool on the chocolate terrace while a chocolate cabana boy (or girl, I’m not picky) fans me and feeds me delectable bits of pure chocolate bliss.

That said, it has been over a month since I have eaten the tiniest shred of chocolate. That’s right, a whole goddamn month. I say goddamn because I am in a relatively pissy mood. At least, I was, earlier today. I am a PMS-monster, a raging beast full of wildly fluctuating hormones and very little rationality. RAWR. Get out of my way.

Sean and I were over at Henrik and Johanna’s house tonight for dinner and socializing and toddler-playing-together. I was cranky. Crabby. Crotchety. Henrik asked what was wrong, and I told him I was having very bad PMS RAWR GRR and he said the most intelligent and perceptive thing ever: “Do you want some chocolate?”

I was actually taken aback, because I hadn’t thought of that as an option. I guess the self-brainwashing that I’ve been doing is working. I accepted a small square of some lovely dark 70% and was blown away by the taste and feel of it in my mouth. I still felt cranky, a bit. But I was starting to feel a little bit better. The four of us stood around for a few minutes discussing really wonderful chocolate (and sampled another bar that Henrik had), and then said our goodbyes and headed out.

As Sean and I were driving home, we talked. I realized as we were talking that I did not want to binge. Here I was, right in the middle of some of the worst PMS crank that I’ve had in ages, and I didn’t want to stuff my face. This kind of freaked me out. If I didn’t want to binge, what did I want to do? I don’t know. But it didn’t have anything to do with donuts or Tim Tams.

About halfway home, I felt a kind of quickening in my blood, almost like my heart racing, but not exactly that. My pulse was only slightly elevated. I realized that I was actually experiencing and noticing the physical effects of the theobromine in the chocolate I’d eaten. It was amazing. I hadn’t had any chocolate in so long that I’d completely lost my tolerance for it, and the effect from two small squares of premium dark chocolate was so utterly blatant and noticable.

As I sit here 45 minutes or so later, the physical effects have subsided, but I am having a nice, soft mental and emotional glow. Not unlike the feeling (albeit on a much smaller scale) I remember from taking Ecstacy, actually. Come to think of it, the onrush, the initial physical effects — that could also be compared to the initial physical onset of the Ecstacy high.

I don’t think I’ve ever really experienced chocolate as a psychoactive substance, before. It’s astounding. I feel pretty damn wonderful right now.

The trick at this point is to avoid chocolate until this time next month.

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3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    celestialchocolates said,

    Chocolate is a great mood elevator. Dark, cold-pressed chocolate that is not sweetened with processed sugar, has amazing health benefits, too. It has more antioxidants in it than any other food on the planet. It can slow down the aging process and prevent heart disease, cancer and diabetes. It can boost your brain power, prevent tooth decay and gum disease, and improve the appearance of your skin.
    The ancient Mayans and Aztecs knew of the healing properties of the raw cacao bean and used it in a drink called Xocolatl.
    The trick at this point is not to avoid chocolate until next month, but rather to INDULGE in Healthy Chocolate daily. You’ll love it.

  2. 2

    Hollie said,

    What you experienced, that quickening, is often what sets off a panic attack in me. 🙂

    My ridiculously oversensitive nervous system just can’t handle the stuff, even while my brain adores it. I think it’s great that you were able to take just a little bit and really ENJOY it.

  3. 3

    your sweet jo said,

    I’m so glad it helped and that you are in this amazing wondrous place where you can just have a couple squares when needed. Love you. And miss you, bizarrely, even though we (nominally) saw each other a couple times this week. HUGS.


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